As It Ends
by Mobiuslemniscus
Summary: Snape watches from a distance the boy he yearns for, and time runs out as the final school year is ending. SSRL, oneshot.


Severus Snape sat in the lengthening shadows of trees outside of the Forbidden Forest, his eyes looking carefully out from between long strands of hair. He was watching hungrily the boy dozing at the edge of the lake, the boy he'd wanted to be friends with for years, the object of his desire. His heart ached as he thought back through all the moments of agonizing longing to be close, to touch him, to taste him, to love him.

And from such distance, Severus felt an overwhelming sense of hopeless yearning.

----

Remus Lupin stretched lazily on the shore, rolling over onto his bare back, the shirt lying in the grass a few yards away. He yawned, feeling the sun beat through his eyelids, glowing an intense orange into his soft irises. The ground was cool and damp, still wet from the early afternoon showers. Now the sky was clear, littered with a few thin clouds. The insects hummed with the chirping of birds.

Turning his head and opening his eyes, Remus could barely see the edge of the forest. The gamekeeper's hut was resting peacefully on a hill amongst the outer trees, and he thought to himself that he would pay Hagrid a visit later. There had been little time for the marauders to do much other than study for their NEWTs, but now that those were over, he just had to idle away the last few days at Hogwarts.

Groaning and curling his toes, he rolled back over and slowly stood, brushing the dirt and leaves out of his feathery hair. It was long and tangled, and he pulled out a hairband. Combing it roughly with his fingers, he pulled it into a thick ponytail, letting it fall back between his bony shoulders. He walked over to where his shirt lay and threw it over his arm, taking the time to yawn again. Summer and the end of school was certainly taking its toll on his scholarly habits. He was almost acting like Sirius, with such a carefree and loafing manner.

----

Severus had retreated further into the leafy brush as Remus awoke. Peering from behind a couple of spiraea bushes, he felt an uncontrollable twist in his abdomen as he watched Remus stretch, the lean and scarred torso rippling with muscles. He felt his arousal pressing against the stiff denim of his jeans and he wished it wasn't there. He didn't want feelings for this boy, he didn't want to hurt and waste away. He'd felt denial before, he'd loved before, and he couldn't let it happen again. Not now. Not under these circumstances.

His body tensed as Remus turned onto the path towards him, but relaxed as he realized Remus was only heading to the gamekeeper's hut. Yet there was a bit of sadness written on his face. He'd wanted a chance to see Remus, to say hi, to look at his face.

It was only a fool's hope.

----

Remus knocked on Hagrid's door for nearly five minutes before giving up. Looking at his watch, he figured Hagrid must be at the feast. No matter, he'd just come by tomorrow at an earlier time. As he turned to walk back towards the school, there was a rustle from the trees. Against better judgement, curiousity led him in to see what had made the sound.

----

Severus froze. He'd been trying to stand and had slipped over a root. Now, sprawled helplessly on the soil, Remus was heading straight for him. He held his breath, hoping he'd think it had been a squirrel or rabbit. This, however, was in vain. Remus, seemingly sniffing out Severus's scent, came around the side of the bushes and stopped in his tracks.

----

"Severus!" Remus took a step back, looking down and the heap of black clothing with sunken eyes. There was an awkward silence as they both stared at each other, then he regained his social skills and reached out a hand. "Here, let me help you up."

Severus took the hand cautiously, muttering a quiet "thanks". Remus brushed the dirt off of his shirt, and felt the pale boy tighten, as if he were about to be hit. Discontinuing the brushing, Remus tilted his head. "What are you doing in here, anyway?" He asked.

Severus looked down and felt his cheeks coloring. "Nothing, I was just getting some space. You know, it's real beautiful here."

Remus nodded, but knew he was missing something. He decided not to press. Instead, he simply agreed. "Yes, it's very nice. Sometimes I come in here, too. I like to read where there's no one else around."

----

They stood for a moment silently, taking in the surroundings. Now the sun was setting between a few sparse clouds, and the sky was a rainbow of color. Violet ropes threaded their way through fiery red and the pale yellow of the evening. Severus opened his mouth to speak, but couldn't put together the words he wanted to say, so he stated, "School is almost over."

Taken by surprise, Remus started and said, "Yes...it is."

There was another silence, and they both felt the growing tension, not of hate, but of another feeling. Something deeper and warmer. Remus coughed quietly and spoke.

"You know, I wish we'd been able to hang out. I'm sorry about my friends."

Severus's eyes darkened, but there was also a softness about his expression. "It's okay," he mumbled. "They've never really liked me. It's not your fault, you didn't do anything wrong. But it's a shame everything is about to end." Both of them heard the crack in his voice as he said the last few words. Impulsively, Remus put his arm around Severus's shoulder, and was surprised when he did not pull away.

"Nothing's ending. Things will change, but nothing's ever really over." He moved so he could look into the black, shielded eyes. They stared back, and the cold barriers seemed less powerful, much more like glass, brittle and see through.

Severus looked into the golden eyes, glowing like the sun and as vibrant as autumn. Without thinking and without knowing from where the words shook themselves from, he leaned in and said, "I love you."

Remus's hand tightened and his expression flickered. "Do you?" He asked calmly, though there was a shudder in his voice.

And with honesty written on his face, Severus replied, "Yes."

----

The seconds ran on into what seemed like hours where they both held each other's gaze. Then, in both a violent and tender motion, they leaned and and kissed.

----

Severus pushed Remus back smoothly against a pine, running his hands up his neck as their lips met. He tasted of honey and spices, his mouth soft and warm. The thick hair fell out of its ponytail, opening up into a mane of blonde and silver streaks. Severus's fingers tangled in the knots as he grasped Remus's long, luxurious locks. Their tongues fought for dominance, fighting like dragons in the damp caverns of their mouths.

Remus bucked his hips against Severus's, his hardness touching the other from between cloth material. Suddenly they had switched places, Remus pushing Severus down and back against the pine as he too lowered himself onto the earth. Lusty moans escaped Severus's throat as Remus pushed his hands under his shirt, rubbing the tender nipples before tugging the thin black shirt over the curtain of ebony hair. He leaned in and kissed the protruding collarbones, sucking softly on the pale flesh.

Severus gritted his teeth and clenched his fingers in pleasure as Remus kissed his way down his stomach, fingers slowly unfastening his belt and unbuttoning his jeans. He groaned and slid father down the trunk as delicate but knowledgable fingers slipped his boxers off, revealing his pulsing member. For a moment he felt embarrassed, and then a warm, slippery pair of lips slid over the shaft and he was lost in an unexplainable void of ecstacy.

The feeling lasted too quick, before he knew it he was arching his back, exploding in an orgasm that was almost so delightful that it hurt. His chest heaving with shuddering breaths, he clutched at Remus's back, pulling him back up onto his exposed chest. He tasted his come on Remus's lips, salty and bitter mixing with the spices of the blonde boy's saliva.

They both lay curled up together for what might have been an hour, Remus absentmindedly stroking Severus's hair. When darkness began to fall and they could no longer see the lake, Remus stood and looked back down into the pleading and loving eyes of Severus. "You're beautiful," he whispered. "You don't have to go with them, with the Death Eaters. You're too beautiful to waste, too lovely to let go. Won't you come with me?"

Severus's heart felt leaden as he looked into those innocent and tired eyes. "Thank you," he said, and only he could hear the apology in those two words. Remus smiled and turned, making his way back to the castle. As his footsteps faded, Severus stayed another minute and whispered after Remus, far too quiet for anyone to hear, "I love you, but I can't."


End file.
